The Key To A Successful Relationship

That’s right, folks! I’m giving away free advice today and today only! As someone who used to date bums and losers almost exclusively until I finally found Mr. Right, I consider myself uniquely qualified to counsel couples. Yes, by Mr. Right, I mean Jepeto. No, I’m not joking. And it’s taken a lot of hard liquor work to keep our relationship going for nearly eight whole years. So what’s the key to a successful relationship?

Communication
It seems so obvious, yet most people have not really mastered the art of effective communication. Trust me when I say that I have. First, talk to your partner. Tell him (or her) all the things that annoy the hell out of you are on your mind. Over and over and over and over again. Until your partner can’t help but hear you no matter how hard they’re trying not to. It doesn’t even matter if they’re busy doing other really important stuff like watching a hockey game or playing Party Bingo or staring off vacantly into space. Just keep talking because the information will eventually be absorbed into their brains through osmosis.

Secondly, besides repetition, it’s also really important that your message is clear, concise. Be careful that your non-verbal communications don’t conflict with what you are saying verbally. Now, by non-verbal communications I’m not talking about body language. Honestly, if they are watching sports or playing Baseball Heroes on Facebook, they’re not looking at you anyway. No, by non-verbal communications I mean emails and text messages. These should always be succinct in order to ensure there’s no misunderstanding. Leave the flowery adjectives and obscure symbolism to the poets! And, as with talking, repetition is important.

For example, recently Jepeto sent me an email telling me that he had to delete some SMS messages from his phone as he had nearly reached full capacity. He noticed a pattern in the texts from me (See! He noticed. I told you it would sink in!!) and sent me the last few text messages before deleting them (the  translations of my French messages are in parenthesis):

1. Tu m’enerve (You annoy me)
2. Shut up
3. Nobody is home
4. TU te calme ‘sti de tabarnak (YOU calm down, dammit)
5. U suck monster moose cox
6. I don’t know
7. Bonne sieste! (Have a nice nap!)

Now some of you may be thinking that I’m a little harsh on poor Jepeto based on that list. Of course, you would probably be the ones who have never read any of his guest posts. Regardless, you don’t have to worry about him. In his email, along with the above list, was this:

I think it is fair to say that our relationship is doing awesome. 😀

See? Effective communication = successful relationship. You’re welcome.

And people wonder why I’m with him…